Ewoks were the most dangerous, badass species in Star Wars

Guys, we need to talk about this. I know Star Wars is fiction, but if something ever evolved like an Ewok in our world, we're in deep... DEEP shit.Let's get to the obvious. The Battle of Endor. These guys are fucking savages. There's no worse way to die that we saw in the movies than what the god damn teddy bears dealt in the Battle of Endor. First, the blunt force trauma from the rocks and logs and all that other engineered shit they pulled off. You think that's precise enough to deal a swift death? No. Not by a long shot. They knew that and didn't care. They wanted to break bones, deflate lungs, incapacitate and leave you out in that forest to fade. And I didn't see any tools advanced enough to make a sharp spearhead, either. Those little bears had dull, serrated, dirty blades that they used to open up flesh in a way that couldn't be patched up. That shit wasn't enough to pierce the ribcage or skull to deal a swift death. No... those stormtroopers died on infection. It probably took weeks, unless you had some traumatized Rebel unit who had the burden of walking the battlefield afterwards to mercy kill everyone.Oh but they're so cute. They remind me of my shi tzu. I want one as a pet. Of course you do. Of course you associate them with something harmless and cuddly. Hey wait... it's a well known evolutionary tactic of predators to develop ways to attract their prey. This isn't even new... we're just never the prey. Until now. Until you meet the cute little bear, let your guard down, and FOLLOW IT BACK TO ITS LAIR WILLINGLY. They got us beat, and if you don't believe me the first thing they try to do is eat most of the heroes!But they didn't, did they? It was all a misunderstanding. They're socially evolved creatures who can be reasoned with, right? Wrong again, my fellow prey. Did you see any refrigerators in that village? Any stock piles of salt? Me neither. So how else do you preserve your meat? You keep it alive. You turn up your cute meter to 10,000, and seduce your prey into willfully sticking around. I don't know about you guys, but if anything had me hog tied over a fire and then was like "aw we cool bro hang out for a bit" I'd sooner put myself in a Death Star prison block than stick around. But for 30 years I never questioned it. It all. seemed. just. fine.So next time you hear someone shitting on ROTJ because a bunch of little cute bears could never topple the Empire... just remember you're dealing with the Human race's number one predator in the galaxy, and your bro who is dismissing them would be the first one eaten by those savage monsters, because I doubt he's walking around with a golden kitchen appliance that offers them no nourishment that they decide to worship.Stay safe out there, friends. via /r/StarWars http://ift.tt/2FwlfXW