A violent gang initiation ritual went awry last Thursday night. The initiate, teenage Outer-Rimmian Luke Skywalker, was directed to kill a high official, our own knight of the Empire and right hand to Emperor Palpatine, Lord Vader, in order to complete his initiation process to become a member of the cultist Jedi order. The assassination was brought to a sudden end when it was discovered that Skywalker's target was his own long-lost father.Sources are reporting that the young man was kidnapped by aging religious zealots shortly after birth. Their indoctrination process began soon afterwards.BREAKING: The would-be murderer Luke Skywalker has claimed that he was instructed to kill Lord Vader by a talking frog who would often trail off in conversation so as to have discussions with a deceased friend. Rumors are circulating that death sticks may be involved. More on this story at 9. via /r/StarWars https://ift.tt/3DKgjIu
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